Written By Raheela Shahid & Taaha Ahmad
Table of Contents
I didn’t know it was happening at first. I had a twisting feeling inside me as Mark leaned over the table and said to Sarah that she was too sensitive. He was colloquial, borderline flirtatious, yet the language sank like a ton of lead in her chest.
She was apologetic about her hurtfulness, apologetic that she is herself. That is the inhuman art of insidious manoeuvring: it does not shout, it murmurs, and gets inside your head, making you question yourself.
The Invisible Hand of Control
Most individuals think that manipulation is quite clear-cut and it entails screaming, threats, or outright lying. But the darkest kind isn’t loud. It creeps in through subtle cues, quiet denials, and hidden pressures. The result is chilling: your free will bends not through force, but through gentle pushes so disguised you barely notice.
This form of control is what psychologists call dark psychology: using psychological tricks to influence and dominate others. An expert once described it like this: “It’s the art of steering someone’s thoughts so they no longer feel like their own.” That description alone should make us pause.
Tactics That Bend the Mind
The most notorious technique is gaslighting. You can only guess what it feels like to be informed again and again that nothing ever happened or was said. Eventually, your memory becomes suspect even to yourself. Then there’s love-bombing: flooding someone with affection, only to withdraw it once they’re hooked.
Another common trick is guilt-tripping. Think of the line: “If you cared about me, you’d do this.” Suddenly, your worth is tied to compliance. Or projection: accusing you of the very behaviour the manipulator is guilty of. Each tactic is designed to destabilise you until you seek the manipulator’s approval as your anchor.
Stories That Sound Too Familiar
Survivors often describe the same turning point. One woman told me, “I didn’t even notice how quickly I started apologising for everything. It was like I had to earn permission to exist.” These aren’t rare cases. A large-scale survey once revealed that around 70% of people in certain relationships had experienced daily humiliation from a partner.
Manipulators prosper on slow extinction. They initially cover it up with jokes or passing remarks–such as, You are thinking too hard again; or, Don’t be so dramatic. Those small wounds develop into severe wounds over a period. What makes it dangerous is not one sharp stab, but a thousand whispers that chip away at your sense of self.
Why We Fall for Covert Manipulation
We are physiologically programmed to find a connection and approval. It is not a weakness that is biology. When a person smiles, nods or mimics our actions, our brains glow. We feel safe, understood. Manipulators exploit this wiring by turning those natural responses into hooks.
Even small cues can steer us. Studies show that subtle nods or gestures make us more likely to agree. When told “everyone’s on board,” many of us comply just to avoid friction. As one persuasion expert put it, “People don’t follow facts, they follow the crowd, even when the crowd is a mirage.”
Covert Manipulation in Everyday Life
You’ve probably seen it outside of relationships, too. Advertisers craft scarcity, “Only 2 left in stock!” to trigger urgency. Politicians frame their opponents as unstable, planting seeds of doubt that grow even without proof. Even workplaces aren’t immune: the boss who praises you excessively before asking for weekend overtime isn’t just being nice.
These tactics blur the line between persuasion and exploitation. Healthy influence respects choice; covert manipulation steals it. The danger isn’t just being tricked once; it’s the slow rewiring of your decision-making until you don’t know where you end and the manipulator begins.
Realisation: The Fog Lifts
Many describe the moment of realisation as a fog lifting. It happens so, bewildering discussions fall into place. It was not his other fault to become guilty, second-guess, and apologize all the time. It was conditioning.
Healing often begins with external validation. Talking to one of your close friends, taking notes, talking to a psychotherapist, etc., can make you remember that you were not alone in those emotions. The first step to reclaiming free will is simply this: believing in yourself again.
Islamic Psychology Lens: The Nafs
The struggle in Islamic psychology is regarded as a struggle with the nafs whose ego or self can be influenced by outer temptations. The tazkiyah al-nafs (self-purification) process lays an emphasis on self-reflection and self-awareness.
With the increased awareness, one is able to push against the inner desire as well as the outer constraints. Pausing, reflecting, and remembering spiritual values anchor the mind. This view displays a strong truth: self-knowledge is not only a spiritual discipline but also a psychological defense.
How to Protect Yourself From Manipulation
Awareness is the first shield. Once you name a tactic, it loses much of its bite. Below is a simple checklist:
- Find partners – Seek the advice of close people who can give insights.
- Use your gut feeling– When something is wrong, stop before you act.
- Have limits- Train to say, That does not work with me.
- Compose it- Journaling helps to avoid distortion of memory.
- Find partners – Seek advice of close people who can be insightful.
- Focus on care first – Find the routines that affirm the self-worth.
A Quick Exercise: Reclaim Your Inner Voice
Take a recent interaction where you felt uneasy. Write down exactly what was said. Highlight any phrases that made you feel guilty, pressured, or “too sensitive.”
Now rewrite your response. Imagine calmly saying: “That’s not how I see it.” Practising this in writing strengthens the muscle of resistance. Each time you do, you reclaim a little more of your free will.
Rewiring Back to Freedom
The brain is resilient. Even when manipulation carves pathways of doubt, healing experiences can carve new ones. Choosing your favourite meal without guilt. Saying no to a small request. Planning your day on your terms. Each act rewires you back toward autonomy.
As one survivor put it: “I thought my choices were gone. But every time I said no, I felt a piece of myself return.” Covert manipulation may be sinister, but it is not permanent. With awareness, boundaries, and support, the fog clears.
Final Call
You’re not broken. You are reading here, and this indicates that you are coming to yourself. Covert manipulation loves secrecy and disorientation, therefore, speak about it, share what you have heard, and assist those still in the trap.
Please sign-up or forward this article in case it touched your heart. Every shared story chip away at the silence, reminding people everywhere: your free will is yours to protect, and no one has the right to steal it.