3. The Hidden Guide to Increasing Emotional Intelligence in Parenting

Written By Raheela Shahid & Taaha Ahmad

Introduction

Parenting is a fast ride isn t it? Some days are as smooth as silk and you are the parent you always wanted to be. There are other days there are morning juice spills, afternoon meltdowns, and you are white knuckling the steering wheel, wondering how you are going to even do this.

The one tool that’s saved me (and so many parents I know) is emotional intelligence: learning to ride the waves of our feelings and teaching our kids the same. This isn’t about never making mistakes; it’s about building trust, talking things out, and seeing setbacks as chances to connect, not scold.

Let’s be real, parenting is messy. There are days when you’re the picture of patience…and then there are those days you wish you could hit “reset.”

If there’s one thing I’ve learned (sometimes the hard way), it’s that being in tune with feelings, yours and your child’s, changes everything. That, in a nutshell, is emotional intelligence, or EQ.

This is not identical with perfection. It is not above surviving the corpsing and getting everything out in the open as well as discovering how to transform emotional breakdowns into learning experiences.

 And as far as some honesty and common sense advice on how to raise emotionally intelligent children, be seated. You are right on the nail. Let’s jump in together.

Table 1: Key Pieces of Emotional Intelligence in Parenting

What Is It?	Everyday Example	Why It Matters
Self-awareness	Mom feels herself getting snappy and takes a breath	Teaches kids anger happens, then passes
Empathy	Dad kneels to toddler level: “That looks tough.”	Kids feel heard and safe
Self-regulation	Big sis doesn’t yell, asks for space	Siblings learn to talk, not fight
Social skills	Sharing stories at dinner	Kids learn how to connect, listen

Start With You (Yes, You!, Imperfection Welcome)

We don’t get a manual the moment we become parents. For most of us it’s just 8 to 5, and muddle through, raising our children the best we can, and praying that they grow up more simply and happier than we were.

Think of this: Last time that your child caught you in a foul mood? What did you do? In my case, the other day I barked at my son because he had left his shoes in the hallway then I caught sight of his little face scrunch up. I squatted, instead of trucking.

Have you ever had a day where, stress piling up, you snap over something small and instantly regret it? Same here. Instead of pretending it didn’t happen, own it.

Just last week, I snapped, saw the hurt in my son’s eyes, and said, “I’m sorry. I got to tired, lets try again. That wasn’t just an apology though, it was a demonstration of what self awareness and repair looks like and was saying, “Sorry, friend. I’m beat and I shouldn’t have bitten my head off.

Can we both try again?”

Those small course-corrections? That’s modeling emotional intelligence. You will not be perfect all the time, so just make them feel you share the same boat.

Tip:
Make pause a sec before you do. When you can feel yourself get frustrated and heated, count to three, literally, breathe. Having to say out loud, Wow I am losing my patience, one learns that they emotions rather than keep them to herself.

Talk About Feelings—The Good, the Bad, and Even the Messy Ones

Let’s normalize all feelings, not just the cheerful ones. When your child’s sad about a friend’s words or nervous about the big test, sit with them. Don’t rush to fix. “I see you’re disappointed, want to talk or just sit together for a bit?” Sometimes, being present is better than advice.

If you think about it, how often did your own parents talk about being “frustrated,” “overwhelmed,” or just plain sad? For plenty of us, the answer is, “Not much.” So it can feel strange at first to label feelings out loud. But trust me, it works.

Storytime:
My daughter has had a rough night b/c a friend at school snubbed her. I sat with her and told her, instead of brushing it away with don’t worry, you will feel better tomorrow, I have felt left out too.

Want to talk about it or just have a hug?” Her shoulders dropped, the tears slowed, and suddenly she wasn’t alone.

Tip:

Make feelings part of daily life. Ask, “What made you smile today? Was anything frustrating or exciting?” instead of the old “How was school?” It’s less likely to get a shrug and more likely to open doors.

Keep It Chill: Even When You Want To Lose It:

When the feelings kick in your child- temper tantrums, sulking, eye rolling the natural instinct is to rival the volume or the reverse, shut them down. When you maintain your composure however, you are demonstrating what self-control is all about in the real life.

Real example:

Last week, my youngest spilled orange juice everywhere. Old me might’ve groaned; this time I sighed, grabbed a towel, and handed him another for his hands. “It’s not the end of the world. Let’s clean it up together.” No drama, just teamwork. Next time he saw me drop something, he chimed, “It’s okay, Mom! Happens to everybody.”

So, Emotional intelligence isn’t about never losing your cool. It’s about what you do next. If juice spills (again), try swapping anger for teamwork. “Let’s grab towels, want to help me clean up? Accidents happen.” You’re showing grace under pressure.

Tip:

Share your own flops. I was so angry on the road I wanted to start yelling- but I opened the window instead and took a few deep breaths. Children are exposed to work only when the adults work on it.

Use Stories, Play, and Everyday Moments as Your Secret Weapon

You don’t need fancy books or workshops. Occasionally we have some of our best heart-to-hearts when we are telling bedtime stories or playing make-believe.

Occasionally, I might invent a character, Sad Sally or Brave Ben–and we can discuss what they would do when they feel out of sorts or angry. Follow the narrative that your child sets and watch the wisdom that comes out.

Stories and playtime are the perfect backdoor to big emotions. You can use a favorite bedtime book, or invent silly characters, “Crybaby Carl,” “Angry Asma”, and talk through what they’re feeling. Sometimes, in a story, kids’ll say things they’d never voice about their own lives.

Tip:

Try the “Feelings Game:” take turns making facial expressions and guessing the other’s mood. Or ask, “How do you think this character feels?”

Make Emotional Check-ins a Ritual

At dinner, try a “rose and thorn” session: what was one good (“rose”) and one tough (“thorn”) thing today? You’ll be amazed at what comes up—sometimes you get a giggle about a silly teacher, other times it’s a quiet worry about a friend. Either way, your table becomes a safe zone.

Tip:

Use routines to create emotional safety. If dinner isn’t workable, try bedtime, walks, or even morning rides to school.

When Feelings Run High, Teach Problem-Solving Too

It is perfectly normal for children to be stuck into moods. However, don’t go with it, It is OK to be sad. All you need to say is; What can I do to make you feel better?” or Is there something that we could do it differently next time?”

Sometimes my kids surprise me with solutions—“Maybe tomorrow I’ll ask Lena to join our game instead.”

Sometimes it doesn’t just work to simply “explore your emotions.” Find a safe, acceptable, measured way to race the bike: with an adult on the back, with training wheels, with a reduced speed, or on a special track designed for young trainees.

 Witness how quickly all the first aid items for your child’s own resillience firstaid kit .

Tip:

Teach your child to stop and take a look at oneself in hard times: How do I feel? What do I need now- a hug, some space or perhaps only water?”

Bring Empathy Into the Community and Real World

With children being dealt with through kindness it will thrive. We attempt to volunteer as a family, even to the point of delivery of food to a neighbor as well as volunteering at a school event. Then we discuss the feeling of having helped, and how we sometimes need to be at the right place at the right time to make a difference in someone else life.

Tip:

Don’t reward end product but process. Thanks that you at least tried to talk to your sister though you were angry. That takes courage.” Celebrate the tries—not just the wins.

How EQ Impacts Your Child:

If you’re anything like me, you’ll mess up plenty. But the beautiful thing about emotional intelligence is it gives you tools to make up, move on, and get closer, no perfection required. So,

• Tighter family bonds: Your child trusts you with their heart, not just their homework.
• Stronger friendships: Kids with high EQ handle drama without tears or tantrums.
• Academic grit: No longer being so afraid of making a mistake almost, and now permitted to ask for help.

Noteworthy Tip: You will not necessarily have to apply all of these tips simultaneously. Choose one or two that you like, give them a few days of trial and see the atmosphere in the house change. Remember, progress beats perfection, always.

FAQs

Q1: What’s the right age to start talking about feelings?

Any age! Toddlers learn from your labels (“You look frustrated!”), while teens need reminders that big feelings come and go.

Q2: What if I struggle with my own emotions?

Welcome to the club. Admitting it—and showing your kids you’re working on it too—is actually teaching them self-acceptance and growth.

Q3: Will EQ make my child too sensitive?

No. EQ helps kids understand and regulate feelings—so they can speak up and bounce back, not just feel deeply.

Conclusion

Certainly, the object of enhancing emotional intelligence in your family is not to be a good parent or being a good parent right. It is about nurturing and expanding; making the attempt to make the right choice even when you are shitty and creating the space to make all the feelings the reality of life and beautiful tragedy that they are.

What is one thing you want to do this week maybe rose or thorn time during dinner or just 5 minute feelings talk in bed? Share your thoughts or your own stories below. We’re all learning.